I hate music, but not really.

If you can insert pretty much anything in place of "music" you may be dealing with an HFA person. 

So, my family hates that I hate music. I don't really hate music, I just hate it a lot of the time. 

Music and I have a love-hate relationship. 

Confused yet? Welcome to the inside of my brain. 

I don't hate music at all, actually. In fact, I like many kinds of music (except country! But sometimes its okay). I just hate music in the house. I also hate it when someone sings when no music is on. I hate when someone sings to a commercial, unless I'm the one doing it. Its also acceptable for me to sing to a TV show. But no one else. 

Why all the qualifiers? 

It goes back to being overstimulated. 

Autism in general has a term for someone that is trying to deal with overstimulation. Its called "stimming" and it can be any number of behaviors that help them cope. Some of the classic ones you'll recognize is clapping, rocking back and forth, repetitive noises, etc. Those are usually reserved for people that just have autism, or severe autism. People with HFA may stim infrequently or not noticably, don't necessarily stim, or don't stim at all. I don't. I never have. 

The problem is that when someone doesn't have one of these things that helps them cope, or if it just becomes too much, they tend to go the other way and either melt down or just shut down. That would be me. I'm finding that the older I get, the more I'm melting down. I did a lot as a child and teen, but it evened out around 17. I still had them, just not as frequently. Then, once my second child was born, they started ramping up again. I think its because especially now with three children, I'm more prone to being bombarded by stimuli. 

But back to my original point. Music sucks. But it doesn't. I love music in the car. I almost always listen to it when my children are in the car, and I crank it up obscenely loud when I'm alone (or to drown out my screaming heathens). But in the house, I CANNOT STAND IT. It literally feels like I have bugs crawling on the inside of my skin. Why? Because typically, its that last straw, the line between me keeping it together and me losing it. Its just too much. My husband in particular hates it because he loves to listen to music all the time. I've finally gotten to the point in my life when I realize now that its overstimulating me, rather than just freaking out and screaming, "OH MY GOD SHUT IT OFF ITS KILLING ME WHY ISN'T IT KILLING YOU?! I'M LITERALLY DYING INSIDE WHY CAN'T YOU SEE THIS?!?!?" 

My family always thought I was just being dramatic. When it comes to HFA, its a fine line between drama and internal crisis. Try to figure out which it is. Ask your child, "How does this make you feel?" Always try to get them to talk about it, because often (when they're CALM, don't ever try to reason during a meltdown, please!!) they'll have some explanation of it if they're old enough. If they're very small and not very verbal, avoidance may be key in keeping your sanity. 

Regards - 

April 

Introductory Post

Hi! My name is April and I'm here because I have a unique insight into something that has confounded people for years. I'm an adult that survived childhood (and adulthood, so far!) with High Functioning Autism (OKA Asperger's Syndrome). In the United States, Asperger's Syndrome is no longer a diagnosis; it all falls under the umbrella of HFA. I believe its a crime and a disservice to children (and adults, for that matter) that this is the case, and I urge you if your child has HFA to explore Asperger's Syndrome, which I identify more with.

Why the name "Hidden Issues"? Because I'm coming out with this information at 29 years old. There are people that I've known my whole life that are finding out this information at the same time as total strangers. And I've done my best to "blend" with society up until this point. 

That being said, one of the most common things I hear and I experience with my own HFA son (who is 8), is "What in the world are you thinking?"

My goal here is to help people understand a little bit about what goes on inside your child's head. I will say right now as a huge disclaimer: In no way, shape or form am I blanket applying my experiences to every single child in the world with an AS or HFA diagnosis. Every child is unique, every case is unique, and my experiences WILL NOT mirror your own. Please do not take this as a handbook, but as a general overview of what may go on in your life as a parent [caregiver, teacher, grandparent, whoever you are] or your child's life.

Some of the things I'd like to explore is your child's possible thoughts and feelings, tips and tricks for certain issues that you could possibly try, and just a plain unique perspective from someone that has lived the life and has the ability to recount and verbalize. If you've stumbled on my blog and you have HFA yourself, or you're a teenager with HFA, I urge you to read it to understand that you're not alone.

This blog will mostly be topical. You'll notice I've labeled it with adult themes, as I believe that at some point in the future, I'll tackle difficult topics such as sex. As another warning, I'm not a "contemporary" parent. My parenting style is more traditional, and you may not agree with it. You may not agree with absolutely anything I have to say, and that's fine. I tried to disable comments because my penchant for obsessing is a problem, especially when it comes to comment sections. If I was not successful in disabling them, I won't read them as a safeguard to my own psyche. Part of any issue is knowing your limits, and that is one of mine.

I hope that someone, somewhere will be able to take something away from this blog. I'll get into typing up my first "real" post soon. Lack of motivation is a huge issue for people with HFA, so please, if I don't update a lot, check back because I'll probably post sporadically.

Thanks for reading, and enjoy your day! :)