Insomnia, the killer of dreams.

Of course, millions of people suffer from insomnia. It just seems that people with HFA suffer from it a disproportionately large amount from NT (neuro-typical) people. 

Imagine if you will going throughout your normal day, but it happens to be a high stress day. Pretty much from the time you wake up, to the time you go to sleep. Then, you lay down in your bed, exhausted, except your mind relives every second of the day. Then it relives the other day, last week, that one time in the 7th grade when you spilled soda on your lap, what you should've said to that rude lady at the store, etc. etc. 

You're scared of the dark, so you have your own coping mechanisms. I personally sleep with the TV on. I'm not "scared of the dark" like a kid would be, but the dark/silence makes the thoughts in my head so much louder that I have panic attacks, so I drown it out with the TV on low in the background. Takes care of both the dark and the noise. I've been sleeping like this since I was about 15. I also have to sleep with a loud fan running for white noise. White noise machines or a loud fan might save your/your HFA child's sanity. 

The longer you lay there awake, the more you stress. The more you get anxious about things you can't control. Something minor that bothered you during the day replays in your mind over and over. And over. And over. And over....

You get out of bed and pace to clear your mind. You pick up a book to divert your thoughts. If you're a child you might grab a toy or a book or a stuffed animal. My son talks to himself or sings to himself. Maybe you tap on the wall. Anything to ease the chaos in your mind. 

Then you realize you've been laying in bed for awhile now. You have to get up at 6 in the morning. You avoid looking at your phone/clock to check the time because you know that so much time has passed that you're running out of time to sleep

Eventually you do fall asleep. It could be hours after you go to bed. Last night, I slept for about 30 minutes myself, despite sleeping pills. Once asleep, you have crazy vivid dreams that often wake you. A lot of times they're nightmares. This makes sleeping the next night even more trying because you then start to fear the dreams/nightmares. 

But instead of this happening once, it happens every. Single. Night. 

So what can be done? 

No right answer. Finding a happy medium for your child or yourself is a time consuming and labor intensive process. With my HFA son, instilling a "you have to stay in bed" rule helped a lot. He sleeps better now that he's getting older, but when he was younger he stayed up for hours at night, then was terribly behaved the next day. So we told him that even if he stayed up, he had to stay in his bed. Made it at least easier to get some peace of mind at night. We never gave him any sleeping medications, except clonidine (sp?) because because a psychiatrist recommended it. It didn't work so we took him off it. We never did melatonin because I didn't want to possibly mess with his body's natural production of it. 

The one thing I will say is that a schedule helps. My son napped until the age of 4 (my mom made me nap until 5), no matter how much he hated it, because of his poor sleeping habits at night. He always had a strict, early bedtime. He would get up at around 7, nap at noon, then go to bed at 7. It took about a year for this routine to set but once it started sticking, it was a LIFE SAVER. Letting your kid just stay up and out of bed late simply because he has sleeping issues will only perpetuate the problem because an overtired kid will sleep worse, not better. 

Insomnia will probably never go away. Your childs sleeping habits will evolve with age, but there will probably always be a problem with it in some capacity. As an adult, it kills me because I have a baby and a toddler. Thirty minutes of sleep does not a happy mommy make. I have taken prescription sleeping medications in the past, but they made me sleep TOO much. Ambien made me high, then sleep for 18-20 hours, then it eventually stopped working at all. Lunesta worked okay, but it made everything taste weird. Melatonin works...okay. Its definitely not a cure. And even sleeping pills are hit and miss. I started drinking in my early 20's to help me sleep. If you're a teen or an adult that would be willing to try this....don't. Becoming addicted to alcohol is NOT worth the sleep. Or the hangover. I don't drink anymore. There's more to that story than just sleep, but suffice to say...just...don't try that. 

Night time regards - 

April 

50 shades of...oh who am I kidding? There's only black and white.

"There's no gray area with you!!" is something my mom used to yell at me all the time, especially as a teen. And its the truth. There's generally no gray areas with an HFA person. And that can be good in some cases, and frustrating as hell in others, especially as a parent. 

Look, I KNOW there's gray areas in life. Its not like I don't understand the concept of gray areas. I just don't like to deal in them. HFA people are apparently like most businesses. Because gray areas mean that there's a possibility of an outcome that isn't outlined in black and white, and that scares the crap out of us. 

There's that saying that sometimes there's right, sometimes there's wrong, and then sometimes in the middle is life. Or something like that, you get what I'm saying. Should you arrest a man that steals food to feed his starving child, that kind of scenario (If you think I may be referencing Family Guy, you're right). Of course there's "gray" areas in life. But we're not hardwired to deal in those areas. Right and wrong, black and white, these are simple, straightforward, and don't offer up too many variables. They allow us to maintain an element of control over a situation. This is also a part of meltdowns. You'll see that as something slips into a gray area that your child (or yourself) starts to lose control of themselves because they're losing their perceived control over a situation. I get mad when someone challenges my black/white with a gray. Its not intentional, its just a thing. If your child does this, you'll notice that its literally one or the other, and if they can't have the thing they want, they want nothing. This can carry over into adulthood (but within reasonable limits). 

This is where life gets tricky for an HFA person. You have to deal in gray areas as much as you don't want to. Ironically, I struggle with this and still find myself parroting the "gray area" mantra to my HFA son. Because regardless of how much I hate it, there's no dealing with everyday life if I can't handle it. 

This is something you have to start pushing early. It goes from scheduling on down to things like politics and religion. Unless your child is severely autistic, there's no reason that you should HAVE to adhere to a strict schedule. And while I get and understand that scheduling is a "thing" for people with HFA, life doesn't work on a rigid schedule in the real world. Real things happen in real time and you can't schedule those, and the earlier you introduce this concept to your HFA child, the better off you'll both be (mainly for your sanity). Sure, a general schedule is fine, but I'm talking the rigid schedules. 

This sounds harsh, I know, but if you really think about it, scheduling and being rigid outside of the age of like 2, 2.5, 3 years old (depending on the maturity of your child) boils down to control. Your child is in control if you HAVE to maintain a strict schedule thats dictated by your childs "needs" (or are they really just his wants?). But they're not in control. So if you have to put off lunch thats usually at noon to 12:30 because your one year old decided to take off his diaper and paint a mural on the wall, so be it. Sorry kid, but life just took precedence over your schedule. And unless you want a 45 minute meltdown over lunch being 30 minutes late, loosening your child's control over a schedule is going to be tantamount to your sanity. 

When it comes to older kids and teens and heading into adulthood, if you deal only in black and white you're going to alienate the chances for friendship. No one wants to hear, "I don't care, this is the answer and I'm not going to listen to your argument because it doesn't not fall into my preconceived black and white notions of the subject." Whether it be relatively unmentionables like religion or politics, or even talking about the latest breakthrough in some kind of research, most people are going to offer a different perspective and being able to handle it, digest it, absorb it and not fly off the handle is something that you have to learn to deal with. 

Now, its not all bad. I never did drugs. Why? Because they were wrong to do. I was taught they were wrong. There was no right, there was only wrong. "Do you want to try..." "No." "But..." "No. The answer is no. The answer will always be no because there's no other answer." Thats good. Now, when you're an adult and someone introduces the idea that marijuana oil can possibly cure cancer you have to sit back and digest this information for possibilities that your rigid NO was maybe actually a gray area and you didn't know that. But for all intents and purposes, in this example, there is an upside. If we can handle the schooling and the socialization, HFA people can make great lawyers. 

Bottom line is introduce the idea of flexibility to your kids. Whether it be small changes to schedules, or giving more than one perspective to an idea, you have to push your HFA's childs limits a little. Play devils advocate on a subject to push them without being threatening. It will stretch your childs boundaries with you as the safety net. Don't push them too hard, obviously, and always follow your child's cues, but don't be afraid to try. 

Regards -

April 

Motivation issues and personal stuff.

Its been a busy few days and I'm reeling...trying not getting overwhelmed by daily life. Its hard with three boys and my own issues. I try really hard not to drown in them. I have trouble keeping up; between the insomnia, the lack of motivation to do housework, having a baby, a three year old with speech issues/therapy, my husband getting a new position at work and working longer hours, and an older child with HFA who's suddenly having a HUGE problem with following rules. 

Discipline has always been an issue with Conner. He's got that minor disconnect where "what I want" and "what's right" are a lot of times two different things. We've been trying all kinds of different punishment methods and nothing seems to be working. Very very frustrating. 

I'm struggling on the meltdown series. I've been trying to hammer at it and I think I'm going to take a break and think on it a bit longer. I have a visual that I'm playing around with, where I'm considering making my own video on what the inside feels like when you experience a meltdown. I think I'm also struggling with the fact that I have JUST SO MUCH to get out and in writing that I'm pulling my brain in too many directions (on top of my daily life). 

Motivation is a huge issue. I saw a comment, hash tagged "discouraged mama" and I was so saddened by that. If you don't continue to motivate your teen throughout the teenage years, they're going to inevitably have problems with it as an adult. 

I have problems with it, but I'm not incapable. If I HAVE to get something done, I do, and I can. But I do have to break down tasks. If I look at my entire office (which doubles as storage), and say, "I have to clean this." Its not going to get done. I can tell you right now, I will not get it done. Because I will get too easily overwhelmed with the volume of work involved. I have to break everything down into smaller tasks to get something done. But even sitting down and figuring out how I want to tackle something sometimes is just too much for me. 

My parents taught me work ethic. I was put into sports. I was given goals. I strove to achieve them. Another problem with today's HFA kids versus when I was a kid is technology. Unfortunately, technology is a fine line for people with HFA. Because kids with HFA have a tendency to be loners, its very very easy to let technology become someones entire world. When I was a teen, I got sucked into the world of chatrooms and being social online, where I could talk and no one could see me. I could be comfortable and myself without the fear of a social situation. But it literally will take over a child/teens entire life and consciousness if you let it. It happened to me. I had to be broken of it. My parents always took it away as punishment (and I went to GREAT lengths to get around it), I started dating online, and eventually I got into a relationship that ended quite badly with a man that was 10 years my senior. I was 19, and thats when the bubble burst. I moved into my own house that had no internet access whatsoever (before the time of easily accessed wifi and smart phones). It turned out to be a great relief to live in the real world again. But nowadays, its even harder to separate ourselves from technology because our phones can easily be our computers. 

If you have a reclusive teen that has retreated into a virtual world, its going to have to be broken or weaned. No one can live a healthy and productive life this way. I encourage everyone that has a teen over the age of 18 and still living with them to require them to get a job. My parents gave me three options after I graduated high school. Go to college and live at home for free, move out, or work full time and pay rent at home. I went to college for a year, got a full time job and moved out all within two years. But a job is necessary. There's no reason that an able bodied person should sit at home all day long and do nothing, HFA or not. I chose jobs I knew I could handle. My first two jobs were working in kitchens of restaurants where I was largely left to my own devices, and the third (and probably best) was stocking shelves at a grocery store overnights. Not a lot of people, generally only one manager, the workload wasn't terribly stressful or overwhelming, and I found the repetitive tasks soothing. There ARE options for people with HFA to easily slide into the working world. Money, being social outside of a computer/phone, and a bit of autonomy and control will do wonders for a teen that is struggling with this. And I can almost guarantee you that if your teen is completely absorbed in this virtual world, they have no idea that its a problem. But a little bit of real world experience will help them see it. If they retreat back into their virtual world after work, fine, so be it. But they need to get out there, or they'll never find out. 

This also translates to our smaller children - don't throw technology at them constantly for recreation. This is setting them up to be a reclusive teen that has the above stated issues. Time limits are your friend, make your kids go outside or at least use their brains and imagination that has nothing to do with a game console, a computer/tablet or phone. Put them in a sport or some recreational activity if its available. Anything - ANYTHING - to balance real life and technology. 

I hope this can help SOMEONE. I really had no real direction with this post, its a little scattered, I apologize. 

Regards -

April

Repeating yourself and an update

Update: I'm almost exclusively unavailable on Sunday's and Tuesdays, as those are my husbands days off and we do family stuff all day. So as a general rule, I won't update on those days. Another thing is that the original place I posted this site link was on an Autism Awareness FB post. I have been getting several comments with questions. I will do my best to answer those questions either here or there. I'm not ignoring anyone. I've even answered a PM or two. As long as you're nice about it, I'll generally get back to anyone that has a legitimate question. I have several saved half posts: Insomnia, Memory, Meltdowns (part 1 of a couple). 

But while I remember, I'm going to do a post on your child repeating words. This does not cross over to repetitive behavior. This is exclusively repeating things over and over.

I think one of the biggest things that we figured out about my sons problem with repetition was WHY he repeated himself. Knowing why helps you head off the problem. 

Now, to be clear, my son isn't "cured" of his repetition. His repetition is manageable. Its not so bad that he doesn't function normally. Its more of a "he's eight and gets excitable" kind of repetition. And all bets are off if he thought something was hilarious or he gets super excited (you know how many times I heard, "Hey, we're going to Six Flags next week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" last year?? *twitch twitch*).

We started working on the exceptionally annoying repetition around four, after dealing with it all through the three's thinking it was just age appropriate. At some point it became clear it was no longer age appropriate. 

So...lets delve into some reasons WHY your child may repeat him/herself. 

1. They didn't think you heard them. Except an NT (neuro typical) person can usually tell whether or not you heard them, regardless of if they don't respond. We figured out that my son actually didn't know that a person does not have to answer EVERY. SINGLE. THING. YOU. SAY. Now follow me on this. Your HFA child is sitting in the back seat of your car and says, "Hey, a bus." But as an NT person, you know that thats not something typically you HAVE to acknowledge. Its not like he asked a question. Of course you can say "Yeah, a bus" but its not necessary. So in this particular instance, you choose to not acknowledge for whatever reason. Unfortunately, your child thinks that everything he says requires you to answer. So he says it again. And again. And again. So the first thing you can start with is: Does your child stop when you acknowledge it? If so, you may have to have a serious conversation (or 50) about how not everything a person says requires an answer. Acting it out with one or more people can be extremely helpful in this instance. Not sure? Try it out. You might be surprised. 

2. Your child has a LOT going on in his/her head. Sometimes repetition is a form of stimming. They have something going on in their mind that they're absolutely stuck on. A lot of times this will be a more quiet repetition that is getting out some of the craziness in the mind. A good way to handle this kind of repetition is to get the child talking. What are they saying? Why are they saying it? Are they happy, anxious, excited, scared? Sometimes getting them out of that glitchy mode will help stop it. This kind of repetition will be harder to break because its coming out in the form of a coping mechanism. If your child can write, writing about what they're thinking can help sort their thoughts. Perhaps finding something to do with their hands, reading, drawing, anything that can help them quiet their disorganized thoughts may help. Reminding them that you can hear them and sometimes thats not appropriate will be a conversation you have to have. If your child is doing this a lot, or is coupling this with more stimming behaviors, they may need more extensive intervention from a professional. Always follow your instincts on whats best for your child. 

This is more anecdotal than a "reason" but its just something I dealt with personally. When I was young, I used to say something, then quietly repeat myself, like an echo. I started doing it around 4-5 years old. My mom pointed it out one day and I never realized I did it. When I realized it, I tried to stop it but it was VERY HARD (like, I'd say three things and by the third sentence I'd catch myself doing it). Looking back, I think I was doing it for two reasons: One, I was repeating myself to see if I'd said something right. I was like...hitting rewind in my head but it was coming out of my mouth. Second, I had a terrible memory and I was repeating myself in an attempt to commit it to memory. It wasn't always both, it could be one or the other. But it was almost like a glitch. As mean as it sounds, my mom started mimicking me, pointing it out, which made me want to not do that. If your child does something similar to this, or has a tendency to do it with particular words or phrases, this one will be a little harder. I think that I both grew out of it and I began to realize that other people can't hear what I'm thinking. This is actually a legitimate problem for some kids. You may have to tell your child that sometimes things have to stay inside their heads, not be said out loud. This will take a long time and may never be fully broken. Working on memory is important (enough that I'm dedicating a post to it) and explaining to a child that you can think about something BEFORE they say it is better than blurting it out and thinking about it later. 

My son in particular had a combination of these problems. First, the first one. Once we established that, then it became the problem that he couldn't just keep it all in. His scattered thoughts would just come out in the form of something that he'd repeat over and over. In this case we'd say, "Conner, one time." Concise, consistent reminders.  He also had to have the whole, "Sometimes things have to stay inside your head" spiel. 

Example: 

"Mom come here. Mom, come here." 

"Conner, one time." 

"But I need you."

"I heard you the first time Conner, give me a second."

It took years, seriously, and it seems simplistic. But he's gotten it pretty much under control. If your child suffers from repeating himself, it will be a long road, and everyone will travel that road at a different speed. I firmly believe that every HFA person will have one or two (or more) quirks that will be a challenge for them for the duration of their lives. This very well could be one of your childs'. Never stop working on it, but be prepared. You never know when the switch will flip (thats the only way I can describe how it feels to finally "get" something as a person with HFA) and they'll suddenly stop a certain behavior. I think a lot of it comes with maturity and whatever speed that may be. 

Regards - 

April 

Eye Contact

Let me start here by saying that I don't know the reason why HFA people have trouble with eye contact. I've never delved into it psychologically. I don't know if there's even any theories on it. This post will probably be more geared toward girls than boys, but anyone should be able to use my tips. I will tell you this: Eye contact problems are real, they're a thing, and it SUCKS. 

I'd say a overwhelming majority of HFA people have a problem with this in some capacity. If you don't, be thankful. Its one of the biggest socially awkward problems we can have, and thats simply because its so basic. 

For me, eye contact is physically uncomfortable. I start getting anxious, as if I wasn't anxious enough already having to talk to someone. Add this in, and you can incite a full blown anxiety attack, a melt down or a shut down if a person's issue with it is severe enough. 

I've learned to deal with it. I say deal because this is one of those life long things that I know I'll never fully master. I didn't even know I had an eye contact problem until the 8th grade (I was 13!). 

The story goes: In the 8th grade for one semester, we had to take a careers class. Every school everywhere should have this class. We learned so many useful things. How to balance check books, how to conduct an interview, etc., and it was such valuable life skills. Mrs. Debra Shapiro, if you ever read this, you're my hero for this class. 

The interview process went like this: We learned about a typical interview, how we should dress, conduct ourselves, what to bring, etc. Then we went through a mock interview and were given pointers on what we needed to change before our final interview. If she'd hire us, we got a passing grade. 

I got to the end of my mock interview and she looks at me and says, "You did excellent. The problem is you'd fail. You made no eye contact during any of it." 

DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNN. 

I was floored. I had no idea I avoided eye contact to that point. No one had ever said anything, I'd never noticed, my parents never noticed, friends, teachers, no one had EVER said anything about this. 

As the interview grew closer, I started having anxiety attacks. I had no idea eye contact affected me in this way, and now that I KNEW, it was like 4872835945 times worse. I went in and talked to the teacher about it. She gave me the classic pointers: Look at their forehead, look at a spot above their heads on the wall. This seems like sound advice, but my overly analytical brain was like, "They'll notice. They'll notice. They'll freaking notice" (I'm still this way). And it just didn't work. I did end up getting a passing grade, but barely. My overwhelming nervousness about the interview made me so tense and uptight that I performed poorly. 

As I grew older, my social anxiety grew worse and worse. I had other socially awkward issues that I'll address in other posts, plus this eye contact problem. My husband, thankfully, is so overly social that I've acclimated myself to social situations. I can attend just about anything with very little nervousness because when my husband is around, I just hide behind him when I get overwhelmed. Or I'll hide behind someone else I know well (don't be afraid to do this). But that in between stage was a tough one. 

The most social thing I do on a regular basis is attend church. It takes me awhile to warm up to people, and we've been at our church for almost 7 years. I know everyone. Now that I know everyone, its not so bad. I can approach and speak to just about everyone. But I still have trouble with eye contact. The longer I've known someone and the more comfortable I am with them, I can hold eye contact for longer. I think its just because I'm not inherently nervous. I can hold eye contact forever with my husband and kids. I can for extended periods with good friends. But everyone else, you'll notice my tricks for coping because now I'm going to point them out. And you'll probably chuckle because you're going to realize it now. 

Tips for eye contact: 

- Hold eye contact briefly at the beginning of a conversation, specifically when greeting. This establishes a connection with the person you're talking to. If you avoid eye contact from the start, it makes the other person uncomfortable. 

- Try to always have something in your hand. Even if you don't plan on drinking something, pick up a drink, preferably with a straw (so you can occasionally look down and stir it, like you're not purposely not looking at them). If its a can, wipe off the sweat like you need to do it. Switch it from hand to hand. Anything to make it appear you need to look down. If you can't find a drink, find something to do with your hands that'll make it easier to look down. Can't find something, look at your shoe. Pretend there's something wrong with it. If you're desperate, act like you need to tie it tighter and say, "Go ahead, I'm still listening." DON'T USE YOUR PHONE. PEOPLE HATE THAT. Unless of course they're doing it too. Then its okay. Just don't do it first unless its important. 

- When you're standing close to someone in a one on one conversation, try to look at them, but only look at one eye. It gives the illusion that you're looking and that you're making eye contact, but it only gives you half the anxiety. I use this a lot. Look at them, look around. Look at them, look around. Other things to glance at are necklaces, hair pins/bows, any other item that the person put on specifically to be noticed. If you're savvy enough, tell them you like the item. It deflects from the fact that you're not making eye contact. This is an especially good trick if the person notices you're not looking at them. 

- If you can, stand next to them. I use this a LOT at church (this also works at parties/weddings/etc). That way you can look around the room and scan like you're actually doing something, such as looking for another person, but you can fully engage in a conversation without the need to look directly at them. Looking over at someones side profile is easier than meeting their eyes. Still look over occasionally. 

This is definitely something to work on as a child gets to teen years or if you're already an adult. Don't stress yourself out about it though. If you can't do it and you can't do any of those things I mentioned, just saying, "Look, I have HFA and eye contact makes me uncomfortable" might be the best route to go. If you want to practice being more graceful in social situations all on your own, then take baby steps. Go to a social gathering with someone that knows your limits and can bail you out if you start to freak out. I know it seems counter productive, but start big and go smaller. Getting used to briefly meeting eyes with a stranger in a mall when you can keep walking and never engage is better than being at a Scentsy/Tupperware/ItWorks party with only 6 other people and suddenly you're the odd one out. Yes, people notice when you're playing with the cat and not talking to them. I've tried it. It doesn't work. Unless of course you're on the edge of a meltdown. Then by all means, play with the cat. 

I'll tackle more social issues like this later. 

Regards - 

April 

I hate music, but not really.

If you can insert pretty much anything in place of "music" you may be dealing with an HFA person. 

So, my family hates that I hate music. I don't really hate music, I just hate it a lot of the time. 

Music and I have a love-hate relationship. 

Confused yet? Welcome to the inside of my brain. 

I don't hate music at all, actually. In fact, I like many kinds of music (except country! But sometimes its okay). I just hate music in the house. I also hate it when someone sings when no music is on. I hate when someone sings to a commercial, unless I'm the one doing it. Its also acceptable for me to sing to a TV show. But no one else. 

Why all the qualifiers? 

It goes back to being overstimulated. 

Autism in general has a term for someone that is trying to deal with overstimulation. Its called "stimming" and it can be any number of behaviors that help them cope. Some of the classic ones you'll recognize is clapping, rocking back and forth, repetitive noises, etc. Those are usually reserved for people that just have autism, or severe autism. People with HFA may stim infrequently or not noticably, don't necessarily stim, or don't stim at all. I don't. I never have. 

The problem is that when someone doesn't have one of these things that helps them cope, or if it just becomes too much, they tend to go the other way and either melt down or just shut down. That would be me. I'm finding that the older I get, the more I'm melting down. I did a lot as a child and teen, but it evened out around 17. I still had them, just not as frequently. Then, once my second child was born, they started ramping up again. I think its because especially now with three children, I'm more prone to being bombarded by stimuli. 

But back to my original point. Music sucks. But it doesn't. I love music in the car. I almost always listen to it when my children are in the car, and I crank it up obscenely loud when I'm alone (or to drown out my screaming heathens). But in the house, I CANNOT STAND IT. It literally feels like I have bugs crawling on the inside of my skin. Why? Because typically, its that last straw, the line between me keeping it together and me losing it. Its just too much. My husband in particular hates it because he loves to listen to music all the time. I've finally gotten to the point in my life when I realize now that its overstimulating me, rather than just freaking out and screaming, "OH MY GOD SHUT IT OFF ITS KILLING ME WHY ISN'T IT KILLING YOU?! I'M LITERALLY DYING INSIDE WHY CAN'T YOU SEE THIS?!?!?" 

My family always thought I was just being dramatic. When it comes to HFA, its a fine line between drama and internal crisis. Try to figure out which it is. Ask your child, "How does this make you feel?" Always try to get them to talk about it, because often (when they're CALM, don't ever try to reason during a meltdown, please!!) they'll have some explanation of it if they're old enough. If they're very small and not very verbal, avoidance may be key in keeping your sanity. 

Regards - 

April 

Introductory Post

Hi! My name is April and I'm here because I have a unique insight into something that has confounded people for years. I'm an adult that survived childhood (and adulthood, so far!) with High Functioning Autism (OKA Asperger's Syndrome). In the United States, Asperger's Syndrome is no longer a diagnosis; it all falls under the umbrella of HFA. I believe its a crime and a disservice to children (and adults, for that matter) that this is the case, and I urge you if your child has HFA to explore Asperger's Syndrome, which I identify more with.

Why the name "Hidden Issues"? Because I'm coming out with this information at 29 years old. There are people that I've known my whole life that are finding out this information at the same time as total strangers. And I've done my best to "blend" with society up until this point. 

That being said, one of the most common things I hear and I experience with my own HFA son (who is 8), is "What in the world are you thinking?"

My goal here is to help people understand a little bit about what goes on inside your child's head. I will say right now as a huge disclaimer: In no way, shape or form am I blanket applying my experiences to every single child in the world with an AS or HFA diagnosis. Every child is unique, every case is unique, and my experiences WILL NOT mirror your own. Please do not take this as a handbook, but as a general overview of what may go on in your life as a parent [caregiver, teacher, grandparent, whoever you are] or your child's life.

Some of the things I'd like to explore is your child's possible thoughts and feelings, tips and tricks for certain issues that you could possibly try, and just a plain unique perspective from someone that has lived the life and has the ability to recount and verbalize. If you've stumbled on my blog and you have HFA yourself, or you're a teenager with HFA, I urge you to read it to understand that you're not alone.

This blog will mostly be topical. You'll notice I've labeled it with adult themes, as I believe that at some point in the future, I'll tackle difficult topics such as sex. As another warning, I'm not a "contemporary" parent. My parenting style is more traditional, and you may not agree with it. You may not agree with absolutely anything I have to say, and that's fine. I tried to disable comments because my penchant for obsessing is a problem, especially when it comes to comment sections. If I was not successful in disabling them, I won't read them as a safeguard to my own psyche. Part of any issue is knowing your limits, and that is one of mine.

I hope that someone, somewhere will be able to take something away from this blog. I'll get into typing up my first "real" post soon. Lack of motivation is a huge issue for people with HFA, so please, if I don't update a lot, check back because I'll probably post sporadically.

Thanks for reading, and enjoy your day! :)