Discipline has always been an issue with Conner. He's got that minor disconnect where "what I want" and "what's right" are a lot of times two different things. We've been trying all kinds of different punishment methods and nothing seems to be working. Very very frustrating.
I'm struggling on the meltdown series. I've been trying to hammer at it and I think I'm going to take a break and think on it a bit longer. I have a visual that I'm playing around with, where I'm considering making my own video on what the inside feels like when you experience a meltdown. I think I'm also struggling with the fact that I have JUST SO MUCH to get out and in writing that I'm pulling my brain in too many directions (on top of my daily life).
Motivation is a huge issue. I saw a comment, hash tagged "discouraged mama" and I was so saddened by that. If you don't continue to motivate your teen throughout the teenage years, they're going to inevitably have problems with it as an adult.
I have problems with it, but I'm not incapable. If I HAVE to get something done, I do, and I can. But I do have to break down tasks. If I look at my entire office (which doubles as storage), and say, "I have to clean this." Its not going to get done. I can tell you right now, I will not get it done. Because I will get too easily overwhelmed with the volume of work involved. I have to break everything down into smaller tasks to get something done. But even sitting down and figuring out how I want to tackle something sometimes is just too much for me.
My parents taught me work ethic. I was put into sports. I was given goals. I strove to achieve them. Another problem with today's HFA kids versus when I was a kid is technology. Unfortunately, technology is a fine line for people with HFA. Because kids with HFA have a tendency to be loners, its very very easy to let technology become someones entire world. When I was a teen, I got sucked into the world of chatrooms and being social online, where I could talk and no one could see me. I could be comfortable and myself without the fear of a social situation. But it literally will take over a child/teens entire life and consciousness if you let it. It happened to me. I had to be broken of it. My parents always took it away as punishment (and I went to GREAT lengths to get around it), I started dating online, and eventually I got into a relationship that ended quite badly with a man that was 10 years my senior. I was 19, and thats when the bubble burst. I moved into my own house that had no internet access whatsoever (before the time of easily accessed wifi and smart phones). It turned out to be a great relief to live in the real world again. But nowadays, its even harder to separate ourselves from technology because our phones can easily be our computers.
If you have a reclusive teen that has retreated into a virtual world, its going to have to be broken or weaned. No one can live a healthy and productive life this way. I encourage everyone that has a teen over the age of 18 and still living with them to require them to get a job. My parents gave me three options after I graduated high school. Go to college and live at home for free, move out, or work full time and pay rent at home. I went to college for a year, got a full time job and moved out all within two years. But a job is necessary. There's no reason that an able bodied person should sit at home all day long and do nothing, HFA or not. I chose jobs I knew I could handle. My first two jobs were working in kitchens of restaurants where I was largely left to my own devices, and the third (and probably best) was stocking shelves at a grocery store overnights. Not a lot of people, generally only one manager, the workload wasn't terribly stressful or overwhelming, and I found the repetitive tasks soothing. There ARE options for people with HFA to easily slide into the working world. Money, being social outside of a computer/phone, and a bit of autonomy and control will do wonders for a teen that is struggling with this. And I can almost guarantee you that if your teen is completely absorbed in this virtual world, they have no idea that its a problem. But a little bit of real world experience will help them see it. If they retreat back into their virtual world after work, fine, so be it. But they need to get out there, or they'll never find out.
This also translates to our smaller children - don't throw technology at them constantly for recreation. This is setting them up to be a reclusive teen that has the above stated issues. Time limits are your friend, make your kids go outside or at least use their brains and imagination that has nothing to do with a game console, a computer/tablet or phone. Put them in a sport or some recreational activity if its available. Anything - ANYTHING - to balance real life and technology.
I hope this can help SOMEONE. I really had no real direction with this post, its a little scattered, I apologize.
Regards -
April
